Allies from Adversaries

"Keep your friends close and your adversaries and enemies even closer."  Good advice, but better advice is to turn those who are your adversaries into allies -- help them to help achieve your goals. 

How you ask?  It's enough to feel powerless against someone who takes credit for what you've done or who undermines the achievements of others.  You can't ignore them so how can you win them to your side?  Here are some ideas I've found helpful in these situations:

1. Reason - sometimes it's easy to forget how damaging not working together is.  If we don't cooperate with others, we lose opportunities to learn and achieve. 

Start the process of turning "adversaries" into allies by reasoning with them.  Help them consider how working against someone means everyone loses time and experience, as well as resources (people and money).  

Help the other person see the many benefits of cooperating.

2. Reciprocate - this is the "give and take" part of life.  Sometimes we all must be willing to give something up that's of value to your rival.  Perhaps they need your help or expertise with something they're working on or they need some information you can easily get for them. 

People are aware it's a give and take world.  On your part, it means paying attention and noting what an "adversary" may need and benefit from that you are able to easily supply.

3. Redirect - if you've ever watched children and parents, you can see how they use the simple act of redirecting the child's energy, emotions or desires with the art of distracting them to enjoy something else.  This works with grownups too. 

Make an effort to divert your "adversary's" negative emotions or thinking away from you and focuse them instead on the problem at hand.  You can also accomplish this by bringing up something you both share in common or enjoy -- a shared straw man can serve you well -- something you and your "adversary" both want to fix or change.

Whatever happens guard your own emotions and don't let an "adversary's"  negativity damage your attitude.  It takes time and self-discipline to turn "adversaries" into allies, so watch, listen and use these opportunities to grow.